The way less traveled by...

2011-11-30T11:25:00.001-08:00

Surely there is a moment
when clarity sings a note
of welcome, harbringer

2011-11-13T08:55:00.001-08:00

The beauty and blessing
of the plant mysterious seeded.
A soil that grows it
and finds it flowering.

Critical Realism

2011-11-05T16:03:00.000-07:00

A modern person (a positivist or naive realist) formulates a hypothesis to solve a problem and tests it in order to obtain objective truth about reality. For her this is a sign of immediate unbiased access to the world. But Wright argues she is doing so according to her story, both in the data she accepts to corroborate her hypothesis, and in the hypothesis itself.

For example, if the story she is telling herself about the world includes a god, then this will affect in some way the solutions she proposes to a problem, the questions she asks to prove or disprove whether her solution works, why she asks the questions she does, and what data she accepts. If her story does not include a god, everything looks different. Both versions of the story cannot claim the objective high-ground, according to Wright. But surprisingly neither does he say that both of these stories are equally true - just subjective perspectives (a postmodern or phenomenalist response). Instead he argues that both stories can be tested for how well they explain the world.

"There is no such thing as ‘neutral’ or ‘objective’ proof; only the claim that the story we are now telling about the world as a whole makes more sense, in its outline and detail, than other potential or actual stories that may be on offer. Simplicity of outline, elegance in handling the details within it, the inclusion of all the parts of the story, and the ability of the story to make sense beyond its immediate subject-matter: these are what count." - N.T. Wright, NTPG, p.42

My question is: How does N.T. Wright's prior commitment to history as the primary category for understanding the world affect his approach to epistemology? And what are the other categories available?

It seems to me that Merold Westphal, at least in the first two chapters of Whose Community? Which Interpretation?, is beginning somewhere else. His discussion of hermeneutics up to this point seems to be more about the communication of ideas rather than events.

2011-10-22T14:41:00.000-07:00

Moving far away and
transporting more than
just boxes.

subtly waiting for advent

On Ecclesiastes

2011-09-03T14:43:00.003-07:00

The measure of a person is not
in the control they exercise upon creation,
but in their response to the influence of God upon them
for creation.

December Poem

2011-02-13T15:16:00.002-08:00

Shall we hear with our hearts
and come to love the Maker?
Or will we remain unturned,
and furrowed, and bowed,
straining against the bit and the dust.
Is it a choice or a plan that
drives history to its centre
once more?
Welcome the King, everything crows.
Bow low and kiss the shackles free.

Two men sit facing...

2010-04-29T18:45:00.004-07:00

Two men sit facing the street, joined by blood, separated by choice, both trying to ignore the latter, and bewildered by the former.
"What happened," he asks himself as his teenage son gets phone call after phone call from people he doesn't know and his son won't tell him about. He asks out of fear for his son, and love, for he has heard about what young people get into these days and can hardly forget what he got himself into so many years ago.
He is afraid his son doesn't love him and never will.
He gets up to leave, earlier than he needs to, and calls him "bud" as he awkwardly hugs him from the side. His mother will be along shortly, and he's not interested in seeing her.

The son retrieves his laptop - he always gets what he wants - and reminds himself that no matter what he or the other man feels, he is the one who decides who he is, no one else, and he is the island he desperately needs to be, amidst a sea of other islands; strong, independent, scared. He isn't sure what it means to be grown up, to really love, because it seems like the whole world doesn't have a clue either. The woman on the screen reaches out with everything that she is, wishing he was strong, willing to give him everything so he'll love her.

And God sees the man who hasn't grown up and the son who wishes he had and the woman who is beautiful and both so lonely and the mother who spends weekdays and nights with the boy so powerless to help him become something she isn't even sure exists. And the church across the street is empty, but none of them know or care, just like none of them know or care that God sees, and burns.

Leisure or Sabbath?

2009-03-12T17:51:00.003-07:00

“Leisure and sabbath have much in common: They are both personally restorative, enjoyable, nonutilitarian, and playful. Though sabbath and leisure delightfully overlap, there are discernible differences. Leisure is a matter of personal choice; sabbath is divinely mandated (Exod. 20:8-11). Leisure is usually perceived as avocational – something we do alongside our vocation; sabbath is vocational – part of the response of our entire person to the call of God. Leisure is usually directed to self, while sabbath, which is also personally satisfying, is directed ultimately to the pleasure of God. Both are aesthetic, but leisure tends toward hedonism while sabbath invites contemplation. Sometimes we must admit that leisure is more of a diversion from sabbath than an experience of it.”
- The Equipping Pastor, Stevens and Collins, 1993, p. 86

Eugene on the Song of Songs

2009-01-19T11:20:00.003-08:00

"All pastoral conversation is a conversation between lovers"

(Five Smooth Stones..., Eugene Peterson, p. 44)

Ecclesiastes

2008-12-03T12:05:00.002-08:00

"So I commend the enjoyment of life, because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun" (Eccl. 8:15).

Accepting our human limitations as the gift of God is a difficult task. Look at all the injustice around us! How the poor are mistreated, and millions die in war and famine and meaninglessness. We are bent on fixing the world, and rightly so, for that is God’s work that he is already doing.

But we are tempted to leave behind what it means to be human – finding simple and good pleasure in life – and instead trade it for "super"-human existence, in the guise of self-sacrifice and cross-bearing, that leaves us acting and behaving like gods who "really" know how the world should work, and do our damnedest to see our vision become a reality. Broken families and burned out pastors and church congregations are our legacy. Few know what it means to be human. And then the justice and peace-making we so passionately pursue, though a crucial and central part of being human, not only does not deliver the oppressed, but we are, in fact, never delivered ourselves.

My reaction to Job 38-42

2008-11-05T12:17:00.002-08:00

What can really be said in the face of meaningless suffering? We question life and God, and he and life turn and question us instead. “Who are you,” he asks. “You act like, and strive for knowledge, as if you were god, but you are not. Consider my unfathomable ways.” Is it impossible to ask the meaning of life, for it is beyond our reach? Is our control of our lives only an illusion, just as we fool ourselves into thinking we can control the world? If you believe yourself to be suffering unjustly and meaninglessly, perhaps you have bought into the illusion that you can determine and order your life by righteousness, instead of living by trust. Perhaps you are being tempted to indict God.

Ultimate salvation does not rest with us, for we cannot even save ourselves day to day. Science advances, we live like kings, but cancer laughs at our impotence, and there is no peace in the land, no matter how much we believe in the power of the United Nations. The more we appear to succeed, according to the voices we prefer to listen to, the more believable the illusion becomes, and the more tempted we are to sit in judgement upon God when he won’t get with our program and vindicate our godhood.

What is Job's journey? He admits he has spoken of things he did not understand. Does he include his first and best reaction in 1:21 and 2:10? Perhaps he did not speak wrongly in those cases, but did not really understand. A change of knowledge has happened in his encounter with God. Perhaps his suffering was not ultimately meaningless, as his inner being has been brought into congruity with his words – “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” (1:21)

Wanting to Read Dune

2008-10-13T12:44:00.004-07:00

The more I do Hebrew, and consequently the more I read, "in my father's house," which tends to crop up often, I remember all the talk about "houses" in Frank Herbert's Dune.

Not for the last time do I wonder whether I should have done English as my undergrad and then wrote/read/taught fiction.

Hebrew'ness

2008-09-27T11:01:00.003-07:00

For those who may still be following this blog... perhaps I'll write more when I'm not writing so much for school, which will be done in June/July!

I spent the summer learning Hebrew, and am now in "intermediate" Hebrew.

"Intermediate" may lead you, as it did me, to the conclusion that I would be attaining some sort of proficiency in the language. Sorry to disappoint, but I just spent 45 minutes "translating" Exodus 34:11-13. I must place "translating" in quotations because I purchased BibleWorks and rely heavily upon it. Hopefully Hebrew won't disappear as quickly from my brain as Greek did.

I'm also doing a class on Proverbs/Job/Ecclesiastes. The most interesting thing I've read lately consequently has been Eccl. 3:9-14. The burden of being pulled into the beauty of present and also carrying eternity in our hearts - being a limited and yet unlimited people - can be quite paralyzing, confusing, disheartening. I want to know the meaning of existence, and yet I can often do no better than enjoy a sunset and a cup of coffee; so beautiful in itself, and yet barely scratches the surface.

Consider that the teacher then comes to 3:12-14 where he finally for the first time says, "I know." All his questions, and now he says, "I know" something. What does he know? Give us some answers already! The focus shifts decisively towards God, the one who authors all of this.

Is he good? Can he be trusted? Can we find some sort of rest, caught between limited'ness and unlimited'ness given that this good and trustworthy God has made us this way "so that men will revere him?"

Hmmmm...

Why Do We Feel So Alone?

2008-08-16T16:51:00.002-07:00

Here is Walker Percy's opinion, from The Message in a Bottle, p. 24:

By the very cogent anthropology of Judeo-Christianity, whether or not one agreed with it, human existence was by no means to be understood as the transaction of a higher organism satisfying this or that need from its environment, by being "creative" or enjoying "meaningful relationships," but as the journey of a wayfarer along life's way.

The experience of alienation was thus not a symptom of maladaptation (psychology) nor evidence of the absurdity of life (existentialism) nor an inevitable consequence of capitalism (Marx) nor the necessary dehumanization of technology (Ellul). Though the exacerbating influence of these forces was not denied, it was not to be forgotten that human alienation was first and last the homelessness of a man who is not in fact at home.

My Calvin Odyssey

2008-04-30T17:24:00.004-07:00

To my surprise I am loving the Institutes. In particular, Calvin's discussion of the pursuit of righteousness is beautiful.

"But no one in this earthly prison of the body has sufficient strength to press on with due eagerness, and weakness so weighs down the greater number that, with wavering and limping and even creeping along the ground, they move at a feeble rate.

Let each one of us, then, proceed according to the measure of his puny capacity and set out upon the journey we have begun. No one shall set out so inauspiciously as not daily to make some headway, though it be slight. Therefore, let us not cease so to act that we may make some unceasing progress in the way of the Lord. And let us not despair at the slightness of our success; for even though attainment may not correspond to desire, when today outstrips yesterday the effort is not lost. Only let us look toward our mark with sincere simplicity and aspire to our goal; not fondly flattering ourselves, nor excusing our own evil deeds, but with continuous effort striving toward this end: that we may surpass ourselves in goodness until we attain to goodness itself.

It is this, indeed, which through the whole course of life we seek and follow. But we shall attain it only when we have cast off the weakness of the body, and are received into full fellowship with him."
(Vol. 1, p. 689)

Space Rock

2008-03-24T09:46:00.006-07:00

I've been using iTunes lately (shudder). The interface is nice, and quick. But it has two terminate-and-stay-resident-like programs that bug me. Thanks, but I have better uses for that 10MB you've stolen from me.

On the other hand, it's informed me of something I hadn't known about an old album I listen to from time to time.

Apparently the band Brave Saint Saturn is a music genre called "Space Rock." To my surprise this is a legitimate genre. But the band is fairly Christian, so wouldn't that make it Christian Space Rock? Or would I be guilty of an extreme faux-pas in labelling them so? At any rate "Space Rock" isn't one of the forms of Christian music that Wikipedia recognizes.

Attaching the word "Christian" to something often implies uncomfortable things for some people, such as:

It's "Christian" therefore it doesn't need to be esthetically pleasing, or professional

Jesus' name must appear in some form quite frequently in order to deserve the name. I believe in the case of this particular album he makes an appearance on Daylight.

You can't swear or talk about uncomfortable things. In the case of Brave Saint Saturn they do both

One of my favourite Brave Saint Saturn songs is Anastasia. It's about a girl who's name "means 'the resurrection'. It's not too far from true."

The lead singer is Reese Roper, the same dude who sang lead for Five Iron Frenzy. 'Tis a beautiful voice IMHO. My favourite songs in general have to do with finding hope.

Sending the Coffee Back

2008-03-03T09:28:00.008-08:00

I may have crossed over. I have several pieces of evidence to support my claim:

1) I sent my coffee back this morning because it wasn't strong enough
2) I've started drinking straight espresso from our stove-top maker (It's the one on the left - too slick!)

3) I roast green beans on my cast-iron frying pan
4) I pre-heat my coffee mug so that the coffee stays warmer longer
5) I brought my coffee mug home with me for Christmas break

However, I have yet to:

1) Buy a proper grinder

So I'm clearly still on the side of sanity

Projects for February 2008

2008-02-07T10:30:00.000-08:00

In case you were wondering, here are the final papers for this term:

- A history paper on 17th and 18th century Christian Zionism.
- A theology paper on God's providence, somehow linked to Deism.
- A film paper on Fritz Lang, notably his influence on Science Fiction, somehow linked to the idea of transcendence.
- A history paper on some pastor, who I haven't picked yet. Perhaps Spurgeon.

I think I'm most interested in the Christian Zionist stuff, but the theology paper needs to get written first, and promptly.

I'm re-reading two Buechner books that I adore: Speak What We Feel and Telling the Truth.

I'm also going up to the Sunshine Coast for a few days over the reading break next week. Knitting, coffee, sunshine (hopefully), friends, and reading are on the menu. =)

An excerpt from the journal

2008-01-08T12:39:00.001-08:00

One of the chiefest of hopes is to find, or to expect to find, some role to play in life, in the lives of others. It is the basic human need to have impact, to matter, and therefore to belong.

Halfway Done

2007-12-13T12:48:00.000-08:00

I just wrote my Systematic Theology A final exam. I've decided this marks my cresting over the magical 45 credit barrier, which means I'm now more than 50% done the MDIV! It's all downhill from here. By my calculations I should be done in June 2009. That's a total of 4.5 years. Can I come home after that?

Postmodernity on Christ

2007-11-30T19:45:00.000-08:00

“To believe in Christ, to hope in Christ, to love in Christ’s name – these are all well and good virtues. For Christians to insist that all must believe, hope, and love in Christ is totally unacceptable.”

- Graham Johnston, Preaching to a Postmodern World (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2001), 96.

We might also add that this was the position of the Greeks and Imperial Rome. As much as things seem to change, some remain the same.

Gifts from God

2007-11-28T14:22:00.000-08:00

Bruce Waltke frames his Old Testament theology in terms of God's gifts: of land, of his name, of his presence, of his messiah, etc.

Today I was struck by how powerful such a reframing of our questions can be, especially when dealing with hardship.

How is this season of drought and hunger God's gift to me?

How is this failure God's gift to me?

You're Learning What?!

2007-10-23T02:41:00.000-07:00

And ready to indoctrinate!

I'm currently taking a course on the use of the Old Testament in the New, which has been a fantastic experience. Here's my fruit for your reading if you so choose. I promise it's not heretical.

Jeremiah 7:11 in Matthew 21:13: Jesus at the Temple

Seeing Eugene for the First Time

2007-10-06T11:24:00.000-07:00

It is a truly jarring experience to be confronted by someone who is, in some way, really themselves. And the ones whose selves most resemble yours are the most jarring. Through them God calls forth your deep and true self to become your whole self.

It may be an authentic greeting, a speech, a book they wrote before you were born, or the most ordinary thing in the world like a glance or a smile; but it strikes you in your core and you realize how deeply, and unexpectedly, you have always longed to be like them in that moment. They are not concerned with how they should act, or what they ought to say, as if they existed only to do just that. Instead they show you their inmost face. It is not a refracted and fragmented thing only recognizable to those who have known them for years; a broken mirror that reflects only a part of what is really going on inside. No, this is the whole thing; who they truly are—an arresting, awesome, and blinding human being that stops us in our tracks and reminds us what, by God’s grace, we are destined to be if we want to.

After seeing Eugene Peterson for the first time I was shaken. It had absolutely nothing to do with what he was saying, yet in a sense it had everything to do with it. He was speaking about our new library, and Christianity, and I only lasted 5 minutes. The way he spoke, the way he was, up there in front of a hundred people or so, shocked my heart. He could have been talking to five or five thousand, the way he spoke the truth just the way Eugene would, straight-backed, gravely-voiced, and unapologetic. In a time when so many are not themselves, Eugene was achingly so.

We suffer from lack of truth – true people and true words. Can we be a people who accept and live as our truest selves, not the ones that seem the most pleasant, or relevant? The moment when I see someone truly being themselves is the moment I feel released to do so as well. Eugene did that for me. I realize that as unpleasant and irrelevant as I may sometimes see myself, I must play the delightful part I have been created for so that you can play yours and together we can be like the God-man.

Big Words, Part ... maybe 3

2007-09-13T18:09:00.000-07:00

My theological education has progressed to the point where I know more "big words" than ever.

Now, by "know" I mean that:

A) I can give a very rough definition that is right 80-90% of the time
B) I can definitely use them in a coherent sentence
C) I can probably offer a smaller, more recognizable word, or series of smaller words, that explain it

However there have been some complications. Most notably I can no longer use my "big words" excuse for not understanding something. In it's place I've opted for the a) "your argument/structure isn't coherent" excuse, or the b) evasion technique.

While option "a" involves some work, i.e. explaining why it isn't coherent, option "b" is much easier. You can usually just not say anything, or you redirect the questioning to something you actually do know.

You'd be surprised how easily people let you deflect the question. Perhaps I could enter politics soon.

But, I find not saying anything to be quite good too. I just finished reading something or other on: Where is the locus of meaning in a passage: The author, the text, or (ominous music) the reader. Yikes?!

August

2007-07-27T00:28:00.000-07:00

Three things I regret about July:

Not enough walks in the sun
Buying shoes that don't really fit
Being lazy (generally a constant regret)

Four things I am looking forward to in August:

Moving into a new house
Feeling hopeful
Growing my hair (read: the return of shag)
Writing a paper on Ruth or 1Peter - I haven't decided.

Five things that will never happen:

Me in a racecar (which turns out to contradict this post)
Me praising weak coffee
Regretting my years in high school
Another good Star Trek movie
Me taking any more Greek

I was supposed to preach on Hebrews 2 in August, but since the city has gone on strike our church can't meet, as the community centres aren't open. So, instead I plan on not preaching, but perhaps still finishing the sermon because I want to. Maybe this means I'll be a preacher after all.

I've also been playing basketball twice a week for two weeks straight. Maybe it'll continue? I can still dunk, which is amazing considering I've done squat for months. I can still make free throws, but no 3-balls yet. The agonizing part is that most of the guys who play pickup are short, so I can have any shot I want, but they don't go in. Perhaps I'll get better.

"I wanna see miracles, to see the world change. I wrestled the angel for more than a name..."

Apathy

2007-06-27T23:19:00.000-07:00

11:20PM
(conversation overheard in my brain)

What am I supposed to do tomorrow?

I forget...

Ohwell.

Bahahahahaha!

Footwear

2007-06-22T23:26:00.000-07:00

I really needed sandals, and after trying on the PayLess and Wal-Mart offerings (shudder) I went and bought a pair of Chaco's. They are great:

(not my feet)

I've also been pondering:

Whether to grow my hair out big (and I'm talking "poofy" here). Why? Why not!
If I can wear my chaco's to work in the Registration department at Regent. Definitely.
Whether Samuel, Saul, David, Solomon and the rest aren't really an extension of Judges and that the downward spiral is consistent from Eden onwards to Jesus, who is the *only* one who kept Torah/Covenant.
That it's God himself who walks through the pieces Abraham chops up, thereby promising *with his life* that he would not fail. (Walking through dead animals is supposed to mean this I'm told.)
How to let people be themselves without managing them.

Person: "I'm stressed out and this is crap, and so is this, but blah blah blah..."
Cam: "Mmmhmm..."
(5 minutes of same)
Cam: "That sounds frustrating."
(5 minutes of same)
Cam: "I've got to get going."

The strange thing is, I think I used to exhaust myself getting to the bottom of everyone's problem right then and there - when in fact all they want is to be heard. They aren't insulted at all when you've reached your limit of how much energy/time you have to listen. I used to cringe at having to say "bye" before the person had divulged every last thing they could think of.

Lesson For the Day: Other people's problems are *their* problems. 95% of the time they don't want you to fix it. Just think of the last time someone asked you, "what should I do?" It's pretty rare. The world is full of good advice, probably better than yours. Ah, but your ability to listen is priceless. Even more so if you can muster up some compassion.

Paying Attention

2007-05-22T09:46:00.000-07:00

The hopeful and skinny one looks up with a hesitant smile as the bus driver tells us, again, to move to the back of the bus; the next time he will practically yell it. The baby at the front continues to cry intermittently, but with a strange cry that reveals her disability, possibly FAS. Her mother is thin, and distracted, travelling with a younger man who is not her husband, though maybe he wants to be. Three Asian girls chatter back and forth in another language, but it seems all the while they are asking anyone who will listen, "Am I beautiful?" And there is an older man, possibly 60'ish, who is also hopeful but hardly skinny, and walks wide-eyed with his bag in tow as he passes by.

We are all of us travelling, some at the beginning and some at the end of our journey.

"How can God stand it?", I think. Are we worth it? Is there a reason that we are muddling and scrapping by? In who's name are we here? Why am I here?

... light and momentary.

Television isn't dead

2007-05-05T00:54:00.000-07:00

Much to my surprise it isn't.

Anybody watch Heroes this year? Pretty amazing stuff.

We've been having weekly TV night at my house since January. I found the time by taking only one class this semester - which means at this rate I'm on track to graduate in 2012.

Because Heroes is winding down for the season I'm hoping to get the group started on Battlestar Galactica on Monday night. The woman in the red dress is a problem, but the rest of the show is an A+.

But it's not been all TV. I read Watership Down recently, which I quite enjoyed. It's a story about bunny rabbits. I also registered for an audio course this summer called "Biblical Theology", taught by Gordon Fee and Bruce Waltke; it's pretty much going to answer all my questions (cough). I'm also preaching on May 13th, watching my sister run in the half-marathon in two days, and coming to Winnipeg on May 19th for a visit.

Lastly, I should point out that though I bought really good running shoes at Christmas the purchase has had two unexpected results:

1) Removed my only real excuse for not running, but that doesn't bother me all that much. Now I just say I'm transitioning into playing basketball more, which is one of those half-truths I'm happy to tell myself. The real truth being that I, in fact, don't play basketball at all nor have I made any plans to do so; but I like the idea of transition.

2) Made me wear them everywhere all the time because they are so comfortable. So now I'm one of those people who wears running shoes everywhere.

I also saw Spiderman 3 tonight. The best part was when Bruce Campbell's two fingers popped into the side of the screen (I shouted "Bruce!" when I saw those fingers and heard his voice). He then proceeded to have 10 minutes of screen time which I loved.

Whom all the shouting is about

2007-04-14T15:01:00.000-07:00

Buechner speaking of preachers in The Longing for Home:

"At the heart of all their hoping is the hope that God, whom all the shouting is about, really exists."

Some days it feels like hoping in anything is just silly. Health, wealth, and love are all fleeting. There is nothing new under the sun, yatta yatta. I mean, I'm going to die eventually, so what's all the fuss?

I think that if I really believed that God was here, then it would all be alright; it would be enough. And then I remembered this Buechner quote that I wrote in my journal last October. Isn't that really at the root of all our hoping?

It's funny how this is the exact same feeling I had a while back.

Job said, “I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth.”

Because if he is really here then he is going to have the last word, which is strangely comforting.

Do you suffer with me?

2007-03-30T18:28:00.000-07:00

2 Corinthians 1:7 - "And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort."

On Sunday I'll be preaching in church for the second time. It's Palm Sunday.

My hypothesis is that the measure of our unity, and our joy, can be taken based upon how much we share our suffering, our pain, with each other.

I feel like this is old hat for me, and for the WCV. But do we realize the blessedness of having openly broken leaders? Those who are telling us that suffering is not the speed bump on the way to happiness, but the doorway to healing and comfort and each other and real joy.

It's funny that I used to daydream about what I would say if I ever got to preach. And here I am, knowing that I'm quite happy to say the truth as I perceive it, but that it only finds purchase by God's work. I daydreamed about saying something weighty and wonderful... but I'd gladly trade it for simple words and a move of the Spirit.

And, by the way, don't ever preach on suffering. What a week. The speed bump only seems to become the door after it lays you flat!

Anyway, here's a picture.

Tags:

My Inner 14-year Old

2007-03-10T08:24:00.000-08:00

Yes I've got one! He hasn't gotten much attention since... well since I was 14. In fact he may be 12. It's no surprise that I can't pin down his age, since I can't stand him and all.

He comes out when love is involved - the kind that, at 12, seemed the most remote and distant. It is the love that says, "You are alright, we want you around."

How shall I give my inner 14-year old a voice? It's evident that ignoring him hasn't helped; he's not growing up on his own.

I think I need to meet him, rather than forcing him to meet me. I need to read sci-fi and fantasy books. I need to write. I need to let him know that what he likes is valid, that he's alright, that I want him around.

Tags:

Heart

Waiting

2007-02-14T23:14:00.000-08:00

Responsibilities, people, everything sort of seems to come and go these days. It doesn’t feel like I’m steering the ship, but that it’s sort of meandering down the river, pulled by the current here and there, sometimes being turned around and progressing down the river backwards, oblivious.

I feel like I’m waiting for God to show up. I’m not jealous of my friends who seem to have direction, because from my perspective not many have much direction. Some care about the poor and the sick more than others. Some care about studying theology, I don’t know why. Some are working their day-to-day job, paddling down the river, trusting in small and steady strokes.

Often, when I think about this directionlessness, God responds with a smile. It’s sort of like a hushed silent smile, one that knows I will have my rapid and rushing river soon enough and perhaps that the meandering stream is just what is needed for right now.

Tags:

Heart

Checking In

2007-02-03T11:33:00.000-08:00

Hey all - apologies for the outage. =)

My roomies are helping keep me sane.

Tags:

Pictures

A Meaning to Life

2006-12-29T18:25:00.000-08:00

Love God
Love your neighbour as yourself (and loving yourself as you would want to love your neighbour)

As I think about it, I wonder if there is any action that should not fall into these two commands. It seems to answer the question, "What is life for?" quite well. Therefore anything that falls outside of these two commands is probably what life is not for, whether pride, or selfishness, or fear.

As for the rest of life, all the questions that I find I cannot answer, they are a mystery. God reveals what he chooses to reveal and no more. I do not know why the good die young or why the evil prosper. I do not know what heaven is like or if hell is real. I certainly do not know who is going to either. If I trust that the two commands are enough, and that the man who said them spoke truly, then perhaps I can trust that some things should remain mysteries.

If I set myself to the task of fulfilling these two commands am I fulfilling the reason for my existence? Can I let go of all that hinders me and press onwards? Certainly this is the kingdom that we must seek first.

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Heart

December

2006-11-29T05:29:00.000-08:00

No sleep, should study, will blog instead.

December is an important month in the year for me.

December is the month when I normally go on my annual snowboarding trip, driving all night from Winnipeg to Fernie (or some other exotic Rockies locale) and spend a few days doing something that I love. By the end of the trip I'm very sore, very happy, and have lots of photos to show both. This year there will be no snowboarding trip. I think this is the first time in 7 years. I will miss doing the roadtrip. But fear not and don't feel too bad for me... I'm taking 3 days in January to hit Whistler. =)

December is also becoming the month when I go home to see my friends and family. This is very good because I'm in effect visiting myself. It is the "me" that my cumulative years spent in Winnipeg have created and that everyone knows. It isn't the "me" of 1.5 years in British Columbia, though some days I would say they are fairly close. It is the month where I visit the Winnipeg Centre Vineyard and feel at home.

December is the last month of the year. I always reflect on what a crazy number the upcoming year is, as in "2007." I remember clearly New Year's Eve when "1990" seemed outrageous, what with that pesky "loonie" making its appearance. Then I wonder how long the human race will go on to be honest. I think of the AIDS pandemic, wars, and poverty everywhere but in the 5-mile radius around my house and wonder when God's going to pull down the shade on the window, blow the trumpet, and say, "Okay, that's about all I can stand; Time for Act 2." But then I remember that he really enjoys people and that we'll probably go right on making babies for a while yet.

December is lastly the final month in the semester at Regent. My courses are done and it's time to register for the next batch. Along with that decision is a desire to evaluate where I am and why I am doing this. (I don't often have a great answer for the second question.) It all seems like a bunch of work sometimes. Other times I think, "Boy, becoming more human in all these wonderful ways is a blessing."

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The Battle for the Bible

2006-11-25T12:12:00.000-08:00

I'm writing my final paper for the Biblical Hermeneutics class.

The biggest sticking point seems to be Biblical inerrancy. As far as I can tell we are making it foundational that God's truth is intimately tied to whether we think the Bible is inherently flawless is all ways.

As a sidenote I saw a Warning Label Generator on Digg. I made a coversheet for my paper:

For instance, the Chicago Statement on Biblical Hermeneutics says that:

"While acknowledging the legitimacy of literary forms, (read: it's okay for the Song of Songs to be allegory) this article insists that any record of events presented in Scripture must correspond to historical fact. That is, no reported event, discourse, or saying should be considered imaginary."

So we had someone sitting with Job the whole time writing down word-for-word everything that was being said? This completely misses the point of what ancient writers would have thought about accurate testimony of an event, discourse.

This view also does serious injury to our being able to hear the literary artistry in the Bible. Repetition, key words in passages, chiastic structure, etc don't work unless you posit that somebody sat down and put some serious thought into how to structure dialogue in order to best convey the meaning.

(And I think by "imaginary" they mean it didn't really happen the way it was written down)

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Totally Dependent

2006-11-19T07:21:00.000-08:00

Every year the Regent community heads out for a weekend retreat. I had a good time. The highlight for a lot of people is the talent show. This year a few people got together and made a music video. =)

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Regent
Video

Am'ing before Do'ing

2006-11-15T22:58:00.000-08:00

The end of semester "crunch" begins now. It's not as bad as last year (thank the sweet Lord above) but it still means sacrifice of sleep, and hopefully not too much of my rockin' social life (actually I've been enjoying myself a lot lately!)

But as I get up from praying to begin working into the wee hours of the morning I am forcefully reminded that before I "do" anything of value, I "am". Then I can work from a healthy place and go to bed when I'm done, not when it's done.

Here's my good friend Dave and I sharing an "am" moment this summer.

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Pictures

A Pig Named Sal

2006-11-13T20:15:00.000-08:00

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Pictures

Leafy Green Me

2006-11-03T06:45:00.000-08:00

I woke up at 4AM and can't sleep - so I'd better blog and update you all on the best part of my life... me! ;)

So lately I sit around doing homework (read: for the last year+) and it's super fun (read: not really) but I'm glad I'm here (read: actually, I am glad I'm here).

I finished reading Buechner's Longing for Home. I try to have one "good" book on the go while I'm at school. The requirements are that it has to be about God and be very emotive. I'm gonna get going on Lamott's Traveling Mercies that a friend lent me. It'll probably last until the spring because I only do personal reading one hour a week. (unfortunately!)

I'm finding the tension at Regent to remain human quite challenging. It's because of all the time required for homework. Among other things, prayer is key. Strangely enough animals help too. We seem to feel the most human when we're with animals. Weird eh? Someday I will have a cat again!

I'm preaching at church (Vancouver South Vineyard) on December 3rd! This'll be the first time for me and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I've got tons of time to prepare... but I guess I haven't sorted out what I think the role of the preacher is in church yet. I'm going to talk about the last chapter in the Gospel of John. I've also been dialoguing with myself (one of my favourite things to do!) about what my role in church is (VSV especially).

Matt commented a while back that (speaking of himself) "I don't live in Winnipeg at the moment, but that's still where my heart is." I couldn't have said it better. But what shall I do as I face the prospect of being here for 4 more years? (Who knows if that's the case, but it's a possibility.)

I'm really enjoying my job at Regent! Working with databases, computers, and then sharing everything with people is right up my alley. It's nice knowing the people at the College too. I'm stoked about having my first ever paid vacation at Christmas! (2 weeks in the Peg from Dec 16 - Jan 1).

I'm thoroughly enjoying the headphones I bought when I got my new job. They kick ass. I'm saying no to the guilt, saying yes to the bass. I've resisted any other frivolous consuming. But I have eaten out more than I usually would. And I've bought a few second hand books lately - but I consider that saving money! The find this week was Buechner's Brendan for $5! I've decided that anything bearing his name in a second-hand shop is mine regardless of what the topic is.

Last but not least here are a round of pictures from my life lately =) It was a dance party of some sort.

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The Gospel as a Whisper

2006-10-22T00:26:00.000-07:00

Jesus enters the world to a chorus of angels, a sign in the heavens. He feeds thousands, travels to many towns, and comes to Jerusalem amidst another chorus, for if we did not shout the stones themselves would. He died on a hill for all to see.

And yet, as Frederick Buechner puts it in The Longing for Home:

When the writers of the four Gospels come to the most important part of the story they have to tell, they tell it in whispers. […] They tell it as softly as a secret, as something so precious, and holy, and fragile, and unbelievable, and true, that to tell it any other way would be somehow to dishonor it. To proclaim the resurrection the way they do, you would have to say it in whispers: 'Christ has risen.' Like that.

We hardly recognize him on the beach, or on the road, or in the garden, until of course he speaks to us, because we are his and recognize his voice.

Perhaps the point is we should be paying more attention.

I wonder why the Gospel writers were on about this whispering. What questions are they trying to answer?

Maybe it is that Jesus is there, all the time, if we have eyes to see and ears to hear. Whispering takes attentive ears; ears that long to hear his voice.

There are times when he speaks so loudly we cannot deny him. But most of the time he whispers I think.

How shall we pay attention? What were Peter, and Mary, and the two disciples doing to pay attention? That doesn't seem like the right question though. Maybe: How did they respond when he spoke? A heart that spends its time longing for the Sheppard leaps out of the boat when it hears him.

The pattern seems to be that Jesus speaks, whispers to us, we respond, and then he says 'Do not hold me', vanishes after breaking the bread, gone to prepare a place for us. Maybe life is a pursuit, a journey and not our home. But then again we have entered our rest. Anyway...

The root of it all is: Who is this man? Here is what the Gospel writers are asking. And they want to ask the question more than they want it fully answered. They want us to ask it too.

I honestly don't know why he whispers instead of shouting, but I do know he works like that, even though I would sometimes rather a nicely packaged revelation. And in the end he does arrive with a shout; a sharp sword in his mouth with which to strike down the nations.

Who is this guy? That's it. Let's not stop asking that no matter what. We'll never have him completely figured out before he comes. Maybe it's nice that the Gospel is a whisper; we've always got to keep listening.

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What Regent Students do for Fun

2006-10-09T17:31:00.000-07:00

A long-weekend calls for just one thing: studying, and lots of it!

(we could use some more cowbell though)

"I got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell!"

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I'm a Feeler - Part 2

2006-10-07T22:57:00.000-07:00

(follow up to Part 1 back in January)

"... Isn't it funny that Seminary would have this affect on me? I chalk it up to Grace personally. I plan on coming out a feeling ball of mush! Huzzah! Any kind of head knowledge will just be a bonus. =)"

I took an abbreviated Myers-Briggs test this year. I'm sorta in the middle of the extrovert/introvert scale; mostly intuitive; importantly I'm a fairly strong feeler. So, on this particular test I came out as an INFJ or INFP depending on the day.

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about prayer over the past few months because it's up in the air with the rest of my worldview and I'd like to settle it in somewhere.

If I'm a feeler, does that mean it's okay to "feel" prayer? It seems the "thinker" communicators have it easier here. How often have I heard that we don't need to feel God? This seems very off to me. Shouldn't a God who names himself Love provide a "feeler" with this kind of communion?

If this is so, then I feel sorely lacking. I don't tend to hang with people who aren't feelers because I can't seem to connect very well. If I don't feel from God, no wonder I don't feel the need to hang with him very often either.

All this to say that I want my prayer-life to change! I wonder what prayer will look like if I'm wanting to communicate and receive feelings? The psalms will probably tell me.

Maybe it'll just be groaning and that'll be okay? Maybe I need to stop looking at how other's pray and figure out what works best for me? (but I'm working on learning to like liturgy too ... shudder ... ... shudder)

I'm also thinking of buying Yancey's latest on prayer.

One of the statistics that most shocked me about the average pastor is that they only pray minutes a week. (that and how sexually confused they generally are). Time to deal with both I think!

God is a "feeler" too; let us become one. Amen.

P.S. (I'm not talking about the problem of being led only by your feelings, just communication style.)

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Heart
Prayer

Preacher School in Action

2006-10-04T07:49:00.000-07:00

On Monday morning I preached my first sermon! Who would have thunk it. It's a 10-minuter on Ephesians 1:15-19.

Here it is!

Ephesians 1-1519.doc

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Seeing Community

2006-09-25T21:04:00.000-07:00

(I try not to ramble too much in posts, but nothing is really clear at the moment, so I figured I'd write about an experience that I'm still turning over in my brain.)

This past weekend was the Regent annual retreat, where the whole college goes down together to a retreat centre in the States and we hang out all weekend, hear some speakers, have a talent show (which I helped make a video for, hopefully you can all watch it soon watch it here), and try out the "C" word.

On Saturday night 30 people were gathered around a campfire at midnight, with two guitars, a djembe, and a violin. Some people started dancing around the fire, some were singing, others were sitting quietly (I was).

From the edge of the group I watched them all singing, talking, and laughing, and then something occurred to me: this is church. Nothing earthshattering about that, except that my thoughts took me to another: this is the vision of the renewed humanity; these people are on their way to being fully alive, even as they already are.

It was such a surreal moment.

And it was nothing flashy.

What does it mean to be the renewed humanity? To be fully human, true to God's vision?

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Pardon my Fanaticism

2006-09-11T18:41:00.000-07:00

So today I became a member of Greenpeace.

<< insert picture of Cam waving goodbye to his Worldview >>

Three good reasons why earth-keeping matters:

1. The poor should be able to eat

Capitalism drives the world's economy. Did you know that it must grow to survive? It is the anti-thesis of sustainability! What happens to the poor when our designer grain no longer produces seed that can be re-used? Who will bear the brunt of pollution and deforestation?

Even if we cannot agree on the below theology, we must at least agree that justice necessitates earth-keeping. All our sacrifices and worship are less than nothing without justice (Amos 5:23-24).

2. The human race is supposed to be earth-keepers

Hosea 4:1-3

Hear the word of the Lord, you Israelites, because the Lord has a charge to bring against you who live in the land:

"There is no faithfulness, no love, no acknowledgment of God in the land. There is only cursing, lying and murder, stealing and adultery; they break all bounds, and bloodshed follows bloodshed.

Because of this the land dries up,
and all who live in it waste away;
the beasts of the field, the birds in the sky
and the fish in the sea are swept away.

3. Jesus is Lord of all

The earth was created, and God called it good. Jesus sustains all things by the power of his word (Hebrews 1:3). He comes to redeem and restore (not re-create) all of creation, not just you and me (Romans 8:19+).

Comments? Suggestions? Disagreements?

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Pardon my Opulence

2006-09-10T23:04:00.000-07:00

Opulence: Wealth as evidenced by sumptuous living

In an effort to promote ecumenicalism, I would like to exercise the ancient practice of confession.

I confess that I bought two things this week that I did not need.

A pair of Sennheiser Px100 headphones. I convinced myself I deserve/need them because:

I have a real job now (working at Regent 25 hours a week doing database stuff)
My two other pairs of headphones are literally falling apart (though their state of falling-apartedness is no more increased this year than last)
I need them for studying (this one is admittedly a flimsy justification, but I needed three reasons; everything in three's baby! This ties in with my penchant for ecumenicalism)

I also purchased a new battery for my laptop because:

I have a real job now
The old one only lasts 40 minutes with the wireless on and the screen at full-brightness (and no I'm not turning either down or off dangit)
I need it for studying (the wall plugin does weigh almost a pound! I'm not a packmule)

I should also confess that I'm considering getting a haircut. I consider this opulence because I do own a pair of scissors. I will likely go ahead with the purchase though because:

I have a real job now
I had to start wearing an old hat and I don't like sweating
I need it for studying (I figure that I will be in better shape to study once I get a new haircut which directly leads to getting a girlfriend, which leads to someone making me food, which gives me more time to study)

Don't worry: I plan on thanking her for the food and supplying computer tech support as needed.

(This does work right Matt?)

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Luxury

A Lament for My Worldview

2006-09-10T21:47:00.000-07:00

Oh my precious Worldview, how I loved you.

You made all things fit together (but never too snuggly, so I doubted you anyway)
You allowed me to read the Bible (but often it didn't make sense, so I didn't understand, and thus I doubted more)
You made God manageable (but He isn't, so you lied)

Did you know my precious Worldview that God has grace for me but not for you? In an age of deconstruction and criticism, I'm afraid you cannot stand up, and will have to go.

But fear not Worldview, you will be reborn! Like the pheonix you will rise again. You are broken, swept up, and left in a pile in the corner. But the days are approaching when you will be patched up, sewed and glued back together, and you will soar on the wings of proper exegesis. But not too soon I'm afraid. There's still some doubting to be done, and criticism to be leveled. I'm surprised you still hang around anymore, what with the pummeling you have to endure.

Why don't you quit Worldview? I would if I were you. Then we could get on with the business of making you whole.

Unless of course I turn out to be a heretic! Luckily we don't burn those anymore. =)

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My Friend Sara

2006-09-07T07:57:00.000-07:00

Sara was one of the first people to befriend me when I started Regent last year (oh my, it's already been a year?!)

She's an entirely beautiful and authentic person; one of a kind.

She also moved back to England a few months ago, so she gets a farewell video!

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The Summer of Cam

2006-08-31T21:54:00.000-07:00

It's time to relive my summer in preparation for winter in BC, or, as I like to call it, 8 months of spring.

Here's a preview of what's on the video.

Mmmm... Apple pie!

Dave I never knew!

Hesed Strike Force!

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Home is Where your Nose is

2006-08-13T23:29:00.000-07:00

The Manitoba Prairies smell like grass and fresh air; and I love it.

Downtown Winnipeg smells like dust and asphalt; and I love it.

Vancouver smells like home too, which is scary! My solution is to ignore the problem and continue on like there isn't one. =)

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Bliss

2006-08-01T06:02:00.000-07:00

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Homeward Bound

2006-07-29T00:59:00.000-07:00

BACK TO WINNIPEG!

Yay?!

I've been doing data entry for the past 8 weeks at Regent College, so this will be a welcome break. Here's a product shot that I e-mailed to the company for their next ad campaign.

=)

Fearing the Big Words

2006-07-10T22:32:00.000-07:00

I was listening to an audio lecture today by NT Wright on the book of Romans. He is rather accomplished and smart and uses Big Words. All was going well as I struggled to keep up with what he was saying.

To my surprise I did not end up as lost as I thought I would. In fact, I think I got it. Big Words, fast pace, and difficult material all wrapped together; I chewed it up and swallowed.

But then I felt some fear. Now that I understand Big Words, does this mean I need to be responsible with this stuff? Do I have to keep learning it the rest of my life? If I don't "make something of myself" academically, or become an effective preacher/teacher/writer, have I fumbled that responsibility?

Ah well. Paul was a pretty zealous Jew, top notch across the board, and he knew it was better by far to know Christ and share in his sufferings. And he also knew that it was his weakness that best revealed God's power.

I think the fear of achievement dissolves in the light of a God who accepts me as I am.

Being a Big Word person doesn't need to threaten that identity.

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Star Trek and Emotions

2006-06-25T06:41:00.000-07:00

Life
aghast at my dispassion
thrusts itself upon me in a blaze of colour;
not for melancholy was a man made, but to dance with God.

Star Trek VI opens with the explosion of Praxis, a Klingon moon that is their main power source. Their military is finished and they must sue for peace.

But their chancellor is assassinated; Kirk and company left holding the proverbial smoking gun (in this case a smoking torpedo tube).

They are able to uncover a plot that would rather see the Federation of Planets and the Klingon Empire at war than at peace; the Klingons dying on their feet rather than living on their knees. Kirk escapes prison to save the day and Spock again shows that he is up to the task. Together they can conquer anything.

At the end of the adventure, and the last movie for the original Star Trek cast, Kirk learns this will be his last starship, the last time he will save the galaxy, the last time he will make a difference.

At 4AM it seemed appropriate that I journey with them again and reflect on what kind of difference I can make on this world.

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Finding A Little Focus

2006-06-12T07:53:00.000-07:00

I start a new job this morning, doing some database work at Regent. It basically means I don't have to worry about the meaning of life anymore. This is somewhat sad because I was enjoying being a mystic for a while. On the upside I can now afford pants, a haircut, rent, and food.

After a few weeks of rambling around with my noodle wagon in tow (my brain), several Christian books (though none of them the Bible), and coffee, I heartily agree with Paul. He says that,

"I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things."

Everything seems to make more sense with this confession under my belt. In fact, not much excites me lately... but this does.

All I've really got to do with this life is know one guy, and he happens to be all-powerful and all-loving, far more capable of coming to me than I am of going to him.

Then it's just a matter of going through the list of "all things" that I need to let go of. Some of them are harder to let go of than others. I'd like to get married. I'd like to see the impact of my life while I'm still living it. I'd like to be healthy.

What will my "knowing Christ Jesus" look like for me? Not like yours. In fact, it would be quite fake for me to bogart your spirituality. It's quite exciting really! Imagine that nobody else has the same relationship with Jesus that you have. Then imagine that nobody can judge that relationship; it's between you and him.

Who is this King of Glory? This blessed Prince of Peace? Revealing things of heaven and all its mysteries.

A love-sick worshipper sounds just about right for me.

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The Regent Atrium

2006-06-05T15:19:00.000-07:00

I sat in the atrium today reading a book. I don't have anything else to do and, at least for today, I'm fine with that! =)

P.S. Checkout Autostitch to create such wonderful pictures! (Matt & Jac, definitely a cool thing to do on the trip!). You just take a whole whack of pictures and the thing makes a panorama of it.

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Regent Camping

2006-05-31T14:05:00.000-07:00

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Waiting for my Real Life to Begin

2006-05-26T01:46:00.000-07:00

Any minute now my ship is coming in.
I keep checking the horizon.
And I'll stand on the bow and feel the waves come crashing;
come crashing down, down, down on me.
...
When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened.
But in my dreams I slew the dragon.
And down this beaten path, up this cobbled lane,
walking in my old footsteps once again.
...
'Be still my love, open up your heart, let the light shine in.'
Don't you understand? I already have a plan. I'm waiting for my real life to begin.

On a clear day, I can see, see for a long way.
On a clear day, I can see, see for a long way. - Colin Hay

It's so hard not having a job, or classes. It feels like I'm lost! And though an understanding of God's love would surely come with being still, I am not. I am restless with nagging feelings of guilt that I should be *doing* something.

The measure of my worth continues to come from broken cisterns. Grades, work, admiration, ability, and even relevance.

Oh to find that wonderful switch in my heart labelled, 'Knowing God's Love', and to switch it on and never turn it off.

The really scary thing is that all this stuff is just under the surface. It's only when I'm left to myself for a week or two that it bubbles up. Maybe we need these moments to remind us how broken we really are. Be wary those who never stop doing.

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Heart

Regent Homework

2006-05-19T13:29:00.000-07:00

Here's the funnest homework I had this year.

Our assignment was to explain 1-2Kings with pictures. =) It's kinda neat.

1-2Kings Diagrammatic Essay

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Beach Adventure

2006-05-19T13:09:00.000-07:00

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Never Happier

2006-05-19T00:27:00.000-07:00

Ingredients

Finished classes

Jobless

Money-less

Music - specifically this set

In reality it's been up and down, a rollercoaster. Every day I get both.

The Down: No school? No job? Doesn't that mean I'm not worth much? And where is God anyhow? I don't feel like faking prayer, and reading the Bible because I *should* is missing the point.

The Up: I'm alive and I like things about myself: My humour, creativity, and my handwriting. I love the book of Isaiah. My roommates are always around to talk to, and I've got just enough church structure to help.

Who is God? Who am I? What's the point of it all? Ah, well we can always laugh. Let's never stop that.

I also started writing a story. I got a paragraph down. That makes me happy too.

(more videos to follow!)

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Steve Jensen

2006-05-15T18:26:00.000-07:00

Steve is one of the kindest and most honest fellows I've ever met. He's been such a great blessing to have out here in Vancouver.

I'm continually amazed by how Steve loves God and let's absolutely everyone know it. Walking down the street with him involves at least one random hello to a stranger per block, and one conversation every three blocks. I think Steve can make anyone feel at home.

And the boy can pray! Anyone who knows him is blessed indeed.

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Run Caitlin Run

2006-05-09T11:53:00.000-07:00

My sister flew in to Vancouver and ran the half-marathon on Sunday. Way to go!

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Video
Family

The Gospel as Laughing Good News

2006-04-29T14:34:00.000-07:00

Still reading Telling the Truth. Read it at some point in your life. Here is one more thought:

The real tragedy of the whole thing is that the human race can't see beyond the heavy burdens, if we recognize them at all.

We are the one-talent man who lives half-heartedly "prepared for a God who strikes hard bargains and not for a God who gives as much for an hour's work as for a day's."

We are the farmer who slaves all his life ploughing the same old field when there's an enormous treaure waiting there.

We're the Prodigal's older brother who never bothered asking for the fattened calf because we figured we needed to earn it.

We're "prepared for the worst but rarely for the best, prepared for the possible but rarely for the impossible."

It's really quite funny when you think about it. Our Saviour was born in a manger, from a backwater town, to a backwater people, rides into town on a donkey's foal and dies and comes to life again only to be mistaken for the gardner.

"Is it possible, I wonder, to say that it is only when you hear the Gospel as a wild and marvelous joke that you really hear it at all?"

The Good News is only for the heavy-laden, the dropouts, the tax collectors and the prostitutes who know they haven't got a chance except for God. It's the ones laughing like Sarah and Abraham who get the joke.

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The Gospel is Bad News Before it is Good News

2006-04-26T22:28:00.000-07:00

I'm reading Buechner's Telling the Truth at the moment. Here's what I wrote in my journal this afternoon. (Matt's journal entry style was quite nice and I thought I'd follow suit.)

The Gospel is a revealing of nakedness - of revealing the lost nature of our being. Truth is disarming. Is this nakedness what we are covering after Eden? The destitution of our separation...

How is silence a disarmer? Is solitude then a disrobing before God? What is intentional silence with another person? It is only by revealing our true nakedness (that our clothes do not hide from God, only ourselves) that we come to know who we are. This is the Gospel, that God knows us this way and accepts us. It is only here that true healing can take place.

We must first truly see how we labour and are heavy laden. How otherwise can we fully give it up and receive from Jesus? This is part of preaching. This is the tragedy of life, our heavy burdens.

Morality is hardly good news - it is only a heavier burden. It is only in truly understanding grace that we can hear the rest of the story.

Oh Jesus, for the truth and blessed release of the Gospel everyday. The delicious framing of right and good relationship bathed in the Gospel. Jesus, for truth.

"There is the one who can't stop thinking about suicide. The one who experiences his own sexuality as a guilt of which he can never be absolved. The one whose fear of death is only a screen behind which lies his deeper fear of life. The one who is in a way crippled by her own beauty because it has meant that she has never had to be loving or human to be loved but only beautiful. And the angry one. The lonely one.

For the preacher to be relevant to the staggering problems of history is to risk being irrelevant to the staggering problems of the ones who sit there listening out of their own histories." - Buechner

Why rejoice when we loath being sad? Why sing when we can't stand silence? Why act when we can't bear to be still? Why love when we refuse to admit our fear?

There is something to understanding the forsaken cry of Jesus on the cross that begins the message of the Gospel. Why has God forsaken his first love and left us with such heavy burdens?

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The Sweet Sounds of Exegesis

2006-04-20T18:09:00.000-07:00

I'm currently blasting through writing my final exegesis paper on Luke 3:21-22 (Jesus' baptism). Can you believe it's going to be 3000 words? The nice thing is that the passage is so central to Luke/Acts that you can talk about so much.

Anyway, it's fairly dry going - so hard techno/trance is extremely important. A good beat and a funky synth lead are all I need.

When you think of me perhaps pray that I find a job, or wads of cash by some other means. I like to eat and pay rent. =)

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Regent

Empathy in Community

2006-04-16T09:43:00.000-07:00

C.S. Lewis wrote A Grief Observed after the death of his wife, chronicling his grieving process.

Here are some thoughts on taking stock of whether we really enter into each other's pain.

"Feelings, and feelings, and feelings. Let me try thinking instead. From the rational point of view, what new factor has H.'s death introduced into the problem of the universe? What grounds has it given me for doubting all that I believe?

I knew already that these things, and worse, happened daily. I would have said that I had taken them into account. I had been warned - I had warned myself - not to reckon on worldly happiness. We were even promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were told, "Blessed are they that mourn," and I accepted it. I've got nothing that I hadn't bargained for.

Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not in imagination. Yes; but should it, for a sane man, make quite such a difference as this? No. And it wouldn't for a man whose faith had been real faith and whose concern for other people's sorrows had been real concern.

The case is too plain. If my house has collapsed at one blow, that is because it was a house of cards. The faith which "took these things into account" was not faith but imagination. The taking them into account was not real sympathy. If I had really cared, as I thought I did, about the sorrows of the world, I should not have been so overwhelmed when my own sorrow came."

But are we just fooling ourselves to think we can fully enter into another's pain? To bear it with them? Christ stands at the heart of community.

"Yet this is unendurable. And then one babbles - 'If only I could bear it, or the worse of it, or any of it, instead of her.' But one can't tell how serious that bid is, for nothing is staked on it. If it suddenly became a real possibility, then, for the first time, we should discover how seriously we had meant it. But is it ever allowed?

It was allowed to One, we are told, and I find I can now believe again, that He has done vicariously whatever can be so done. He replies to our babble, 'You cannot and you dare not. I could and dared.'"

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Good Sex

2006-04-13T19:49:00.000-07:00

I won't apologize for the title.

"We need to think Christianly about everything, otherwise we'll think unChristianly about something." - Some Regent professor

To the degree that we are unable to provide people with a healthy and good vision of sexuality - that is how much they will imbibe from the culture around us.

Don't talk about it? Somebody else will (THE FLIPPIN' WORLD!), and odds are they aren't going to say anything helpful.

Talk about it? If all we say is, "don't do it until you're married," and we fail to paint a picture of how beautiful sexuality in marriage is, we've failed!

And we must also strive to praise celibacy and not denigrate marriage.

It's far better to call someone to a vision than to simply lay down the law.

And this extends to everything. What aren't we thinking Christianly about? Work, play, money, spending habits? Nothing should be off limits. Christ is the Lord of all.

We need to think Christianly about everything, otherwise we'll think unChristianly about something.

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Singing Together

2006-04-11T10:48:00.000-07:00

It is the voice of the Church that is heard in singing together. It is not you that sings, it is the Church that is singing, and you, as a member of the Church, may share in its song.

Bonhoeffer, Life Together

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Generation Me

2006-04-06T08:02:00.000-07:00

Church has become a place where we ask, "Am I enjoying this?"

Now there's nothing wrong with enjoying church, housegroup, or really any aspect of community.

But what happens when we're not enjoying it?

We live in the midst of a divorcing culture - Christians divorce just as much or more than other Westerners.

Now physical abuse is a very serious issue to consider, but what happens to a marriage when we aren't enjoying ourselves? It's pretty obvious what about half of married Christians do - We quit.

(I have not known even a fraction of the suffering that some couples have gone through, but I think this is still a valid point to make.)

Do we want church to be like marriage? Even more concerning, maybe church already is like marriage! We're the, What's-In-It-For-Me generation! Some say we're Generation M, as in multi-tasker. Generation M should probably be Generation Me instead.

The antidote is of course Jesus, duh.

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children,
and live in love,
as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us,
a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. (Eph 5:1-2)

So the love of Jesus is sacrificial love. He wasn't after his own happiness.

Now there's nothing wrong with happiness as a feeling, but we've made this fleeting feeling all there is to happiness. We've lost the deeper heart-changing sense of what it means to be really happy - abandonment to God and each other.

"Am I having fun yet?" doesn't seem like such a good question anymore if we're interested in real community.

As one of my profs said, "We're never going to get good answers with the wrong questions."

Although I fall dismally short of this, it seems that the self-sacrifice of the cross must stand at the heart of community.

Be subject to one another
out of reverence for Christ. (Eph 5:21)

I don't know what all this looks like practically for doing church, but I want to find out.

(Postscript: Read Bonhoeffer's Life Together for some mind bending stuff on community.)

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RBI's

2006-03-27T21:12:00.000-08:00

RBI's - Random Bits of Information
(In addition to my last attempt at them)

4 Jobs I've had:

1. Superstore/Westfair Freezer Assembler - If you ate any Superstore frozen goods in Western Canada between the years 1998-2000
I probably had something to do with it; paid poorly, but hey, I lived on KD, so it was okay. I promised myself I would never do hard physical labour for money ever again.

2. Income Tax T1 Scanner/Dresser - If you filed your 1996-97 Tax return I might possibly have been in the same room as it; minimum wage - and I do mean minimum. I stole the rubber thumb.

3. Provincial Forestry Technician - Dug up weeds around trees; rode around on a quad; minimum wage again. I promised myself I would never work outdoors again. So far I haven't let myself down.

4. House of Hesed HIV/AID Transition House Assistant Director - And did everything else imaginable! By this time I had decided that working for money wasn't important. I was right! As long as you can pay the rent of course. Of all my jobs I liked this one the most, by far. Go work with the poor/sick, it'll change your life.

4 Shows I've been addicted to:

1. Cheers - Sam Malone and Diane Chambers: Best love story ever. I think I've seen every episode. Not sure if that's a good thing.

2. Star Trek: The Next Generation - The Borg: Best villians ever. I know I've seen every episode and I'm SURE that's a good thing.

3. Army of Darkness - Bruce Campbell: Best hero ever! Arnold wishes he had one-liners like Bruce. "Come get some"; "Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun."; "Hail to the king baby."

4. All the Star Trek movies - Khan, The Borg, Spock; I haven't worked Star Trek into any of my theology papers yet, but I've got 3 years left. I promise it'll happen. Systematic Theology needs to hear from the Vulcans.

4 Countries I'd like to visit:

1. Greece - The Trojan War, the Peloponnesian War, and various dusty landmarks. Being able to read Greek will make it mildly funner, for me at least. Whoever gets stuck going with me will probably have less fun and end up staying at the hotel reading a book.

2. Holy Land - The pilgrimage will earn me some Merit. Purgatory ain't gonna keep me down!

3. Scotland - I hear they have something called heather. There are apparently castles as well.

4. Australia - I'm relatively sure I'm going to have friends to visit there soon. =) And they'd better be famous by the time I get there.

4 Books I've recently enjoyed: It's kinda sad, but I don't "enjoy" reading anymore. It's sorta like poking yourself in the eye with a sharp stick, and then doing it over and over until you're really sure you know what it feels like and can write an essay on it.

That being said I did enjoy 3/4's of Mustard Seed Vs. McWorld by Tom Sine. I heartily endorse it for anyone considering what it means to be a Western Christian.

4 People I (wouldn't mind) look(ing) like (for a day or two):

1. Ethan Hawke (but I'd like to keep my teeth)
2. John Travolta (Muwahahahaha!)
3. Robert Duvall (Muwahaha... ... er... well at least I'd look wise)
4. Matthew McConaughey (maybe for more than a couple days actually)

4 Things I'd like to do before I die:

1. Drive a real sports car
2. Watch all the episodes of "24" - I've only seen a couple of episodes, but it was riveting. I dunno if I can justify the hundred hours and dollars to do this.
3. Live on the street for a while
4. Grow a gigantic bush-man beard again

4 Popular Misconceptions about me:

1. I'm humble/self-less - Hahahahahaha! It's ALL about me. ... .. It really is. I generally think about myself 75-85% of the time.

2. I watch a lot of Star Trek - The truth is I don't anymore. But I have watched a heck of a lot in the past.

3. That I hear God a lot - I think I give this impression because I use phrases like, "God said to me yesterday" when I really mean, "I thought of this, and God most likely agrees, I hope."

4. That I'm really really good-looking - The truth is you haven't seen me next to Matthew McConaughey. The other truth is that I'm tall and have dark hair, and when most people think "Tall & Dark" they accidentally skip the last part.

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Funny

17 to 27

2006-03-25T09:23:00.000-08:00

The only real difference between being 17 and 27 years old is your credit limit. Everything else is pretty much the same: Girls, school, parents, friends, God, and coffee. (oops, I almost capitalized coffee... I wonder if that's a warning sign)

Here's to you Shaun. Fellow blogger, searcher of God, searched by God, theologian, Manitoban.

You can get a lot done in 10 years. I'm excited to see what you'll do with yours!

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Stemming the Tide of Mediocrity

2006-03-20T23:48:00.000-08:00

"Are my theological papers mediocre?" I asked myself today.

Mediocre: "Moderate to inferior in quality."

In relation to what I ask? Compared to the illustrious Schleiermacher, Barth, or Augustine, it must be so.

But wait! Let us admit that my mediocrity is greatly lessened by changing the work I compare it to.

Compared to all sit-coms on TV, my work is a gem. Compared to any popular music video, I challenge anyone to find my equal.

That being said, another way of pulling myself out of the slime heap of my own sub-par performance is to inject some "spice" into my papers.

Let me demonstrate: (the "spice" is in bold)

The Bible is God's Word to us. The ambiguity of this statement can blur much of what Christians think about the Bible. Again, what do they mean when they say, "If anything is trustworthy in this world, it must be Scripture"? For some this means that if you prove to me that Paul did not write our two letters to Timothy, then I can only conclude that I have been deceived by whoever wrote them, and thus by the Bible, by the Church, and ultimately by God - a disastrous chain of broken trust. No wonder scholarly Biblical criticism is regarded by so many as radioactive nuclear waste that destroys faith. J.D.G. Dunn, in his chapter on pseudonymity from The Living Word, seeks to dispel this fear and show that we do not have to surrender our trust in the Bible in order to accept some of its pseudonymous origins. To do this he unpacks the Jewish understanding of authorship and canonicity. But it is no magic bullet. Our Gentile understanding of Scriptural authority is still in danger of remaining ambiguous.

Haha! I defy any professor to give me a B for this paragraph! (I'm actually going to submit this too.)

Science fiction has proven once again that it is the salvation of all forms of literature.

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Birthday Cam @ 27

2006-03-16T17:09:00.000-08:00

In case you weren't sick of seeing videos, here's my birthday interview.

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Video

Cam's Day of Adventure

2006-03-13T17:42:00.000-08:00

Take a tour of
Vancouver with me!

(There's a higher quality version too, just e-mail me)

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Romans

2006-03-12T09:08:00.000-08:00

I've been busting through Romans lately, trying to understand Paul's argument.

Of the entire Bible I find Romans to be the most confusing.

If I was going to sit down and write a book on how to be saved I wouldn't do it like Paul does.

Here's something interesting though: Is it justification by faith or righteousness through trust?

"Justification" is too legalistic, like I'm in a courtroom being pronounced justified with God. Once I've been "justified" I can pretty much do what I like. Not really. Perhaps a better way to look at it is: Right relationship with God. A day-to-day choice. A new covenant, like Israel's covenant with God.

"Faith" seems a bit off too. Is it some kind of mental decision? I work up enough "faith" so that someone gets healed? I think that's missing the point.

Sometimes I catch myself worrying about doubting God's existence, or who Jesus really is. Yikes! Well then my "mental assent" is in danger of evaporating isn't it? Believing in gravity and believing in God are not the same kind of thing!

If I base my righteousness/salvation only on believing the right things, then I'm in trouble.

However, if I base it on trusting God, the picture changes. It's a continual leaning on him.

For me it's like walking up to a huge river with a bridge running across it. Believing the bridge exists is fine, but walking on to it is what really matters.

If this all turns out to be a bunch of baloney, then we should be pitied above all others. The bridge falls out, and we're on it. But that comforts me because I know that we trust. So our doubts maybe shouldn't bother us as much as they do.

Anyway, gotta run to church.

What do you think?

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Stuck in Class

2006-03-07T15:49:00.000-08:00

After 2 hours of Exegesis class:

How the heck did I end up back in school?

My practical side wants to run away.

My theological side was satisfied after 15 minutes.

Can't I just buy BibleWorks and have it tell me what's going on? Maaaan... comeon already.

Charismania is at least rarely boring, if unbalanced at times.

Can I go home now? No? Another hour to go? AJSDKDAFDfkafdlkfdkljsd...

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Regent

Prayer as Dance, Theology as Wrestle

2006-03-05T18:01:00.000-08:00

"We see nearly all men parade their own ideas as God's Word, their chief aim being to compel others to think as they do, while using religion as a pretext. We see, I say, that the chief concern of theologians on the whole has been to extort from Holy Scripture their own arbitrarily invented ideas, for which they claim divine authority. In no other field do they display less scruple ... than in the interpretation of Scripture ..." Spinoza

Sometimes I come to the Bible looking for support for my ideas, which may or may not be God's. If I look hard enough, I can wrangle support for just about anything I like.

The same thing happens in prayer. I come asking for support for my ideas, which may or may not be God's.

Many antidotes are available: Solid books, solid friends, and my desire to hear the Holy Spirit. Moving from asking to agreeing perhaps? But, if he is indeed the guide to all truth, how much room am I giving him?

What is listening prayer? A meeting, a mix, a melding of my ambition and understanding with God's ambition and full understanding.

I agree that prayer is a discipline. But I think it better to say that taking time for prayer is the discipline part. Live simpler, make less money, hang out more, pray more, sit on the street corner a little more. Salt well with constant prayer. Then it's far better to think of prayer as a dance.

Pray for me while I'm away!

<rant>

Also, Charismania (Christians for that matter) needs to learn to flex their skeptical critical muscles. Just because someone says the Bible "says" something, doesn't mean they are right! They might be, but it's up to us to weigh it and decide.

Take the Bereans' example in Acts 17:11 - "Now the Bereans were of more noble character than the Thessalonians, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true."

This is Paul here!! If anyone was to be trusted it was him, and yet they said, "We'd better check this stuff out."

Join in the wrestle, dance, etc. Church is no spectator sport.

</rant>

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What Cam is Really Learning at Regent - Part 1

2006-02-28T11:14:00.000-08:00

Hans Kung - That the World May Believe

Would the Reformation have happened if the Catholic Church was as it is today?

Some would say, "probably not."

Kung argues that Christians must unite in order that the world may believe. Protestant vs. Catholic vs. Eastern Orthodox hurts the non-believer's perception of Jesus, which must be among our primary concerns as Christians (intertwined with loving God).

Going to a Catholic Mass would be a good thing for the charismatic Protestant.

If it is only the cultural differences that divide us (Worship style, language), we must admit they are only that, and refuse to let it stop us.

If it is important theological differences that divide, then we must find common ground and love each other and the world from there. Protestant ignorance is hurting the church and our mission.

Mariology and veneration of the saints are the two things that I don't know enough about to criticize.

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Regent Community

2006-02-26T09:14:00.000-08:00

We all went over to my professor's house last night. The highlight for me was asking him all sorts of interesting questions. Like, "What's it like writing a book?" and, "How many hours does it take to prepare a sermon?" We also talked about Protestantism's endless split personality. The solution? Become Catholic! The funny part is he's not necessarily joking.

These are all library books. Now I know where to find all of Regent's loaned out books.

Here are two of our professor's bookshelves. Those are hardcovers by the way.

And we made sure to venerate his icon. =)

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New Jerusalem or Bust

2006-02-24T00:21:00.000-08:00

Tada!

Revelation made simple - Stuck in Babylon.doc

The best "big word" I used in the paper is: Avaricious!

Which means: "Immoderately desirous of acquiring."

My prof is going to be so happy.

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Vin's Magic Trick

2006-02-22T17:46:00.000-08:00

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Funny

Big words are good for a laugh

2006-02-21T23:07:00.000-08:00

While writing papers it is important to keep yourself entertained.

Marcus and I sit in the living room, typing away, surrounded by books. Every so often one of us will call out the big words we managed to get into our papers:

"Hey Marcus, I worked in 'over-against' just now."

"Sweet, 'pericope' over here."

"Yeah? Well, how about 'extraordinary exegesis'? Bonus points for alliteration!"

"Way to go buddy!", etc

Here's a sentence I'm exceedingly proud of from my forthcoming work on Revelation.

"For centuries theologians have focused their discussions on the millennium and allegorical interpretation, constructing intricate rubrics to fit their eisegesis."

I have arrived! Woohoo! No more red pen for me!

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Regent

Vincent and Olivia Fielding

2006-02-18T22:56:00.000-08:00

Vin and Liv came to visit me today. They are wonderful people. Vin and I had coffee together and talked for hours. We talked a lot about you Winnipegers and how great you all are. We talked about your past, your present, and your future; wish you were here, or that we were there. Then we went over to a little used bookstore.

After eating at Swiss Chalet (we got extra dipping sauce), we went over to see Capote at the movie theatre.

Capote is a famous writer who decides to write a book about a murderer named Perry. As he comes to understand Perry, he finds that he is like him. Capote comes from the same kind of broken home, and tortured past.

In the middle of the film Capote says, "It's like Perry and I grew up in the same house, and one day he went out the back door and I went out the front."

The problem with Capote is he manipulates and lies to get what he wants, namely the true story for his book. He uses Perry to get the story, and then waits for his execution, which keeps getting postponed. Capote doesn't want to help Perry because he can't publish the book until the story is finished.

Capote lives in the lime-light, self-centredly supposing his life is entirely meaningful because of the praise and adoration he receives. His bubble only tremors slightly as the movie nears the end. Finally, the long-awaited execution happens, but Capote finds only torment at the death of the man he convinced to be his "friend".

Capote entitles his book, "In Cold Blood." But who's blood is colder?

I would recommend the movie. It has a lot to say about love. Loving the poor and broken is impossible without empathy; feeling the way they do; living with them in it. How better than to realize that we are no less poor and broken.

I want to say that we all grew up in the same house. Those who left by the backdoor didn't have a father, were abused, dropped out of school, turned to the wrong friends, went to prison, got addicted and are living on the street. They've gotten used to being stepped on. We've gotten used to ignoring the poor. We don't go where they are. We don't live where they are.

Those who left by the front door usually had families, finished some school, follow the rules, and maybe go to church. They are perhaps worse off because they can hide their emptiness in socially acceptable ways.

Capote makes we wonder whether the real test of righteousness is honesty.

I find that all my existential questioning returns to Jesus. If he is who he says he is, then the purpose of my life is summed up by him. I need to meet him. I must know him. Only with him do I find meaning for living.

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The Crunch

2006-02-17T12:26:00.000-08:00

Roomie MarcusTwo papers due this week:

Luke-Acts: Purpose, Audience, Themes

Lots 'o women; Gentile audience; Legitamate the transfer of the kingdom to the church via the Holy Spirit; Paul like Peter; Money; Trial brief for Theophilus for Paul's trial; Waiting for the end; city as polis; mix of rhetoric and history; strengthen the persecuted church.

Revelation as Simplicity

Holiness as Simpicity: Worship of one God on one throne; Jerusalem as perfect cube representing the holy of holies; one husband vs. Babylon's many; dark/confusion vs. light/purity; Babylon as mixed, God as unmixed

Consumption as Simplicity: Babylon's cargoes vs. One tree, river, and fruit every month; Babylon's economic exploitation vs. Jerusalem's free offering, wealth for all; Sexual consumption;

The key is perception: Babylon is deceit. Their trinity (Dragon and two beasts) are a mockery of God's trinity. Babylon's deceit manifest in Laodicea's blindness.

New Jerusalem is a return to Eden as prescription for simple community today

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Regent Pictures

2006-02-12T04:27:00.000-08:00

One big huge potluck!
Also, all those interested can view Regent's choir in action. Just do a search for "Regent choir" on Google Video. Or, view it here! =)

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I am not a philosopher

2006-02-09T23:25:00.000-08:00

I am not a philosopher.

My fear is that I will hitch my wagon to a charismatic philosopher who cheerfully allows me to tap-out of wrestling with our culture’s dominant worldview, and just parrot his/her answers.

Perhaps I need to find a very honest philosopher who cheerfully invites me to wrestle along with him/her, and keeps me from the comfortable tap-out.

You see, this is the best of both worlds: I get told what to think, but at least they admit they haven't got it all figured out.

Today's lecture was:

Modernity disenchanted society. The wind was explained, the stars, our own bodies; everything fit quite nicely into the scientific worldview. People stopped believing that God had anything to do with the world, and then stopped believing in him at all. Science replaced their religion through Radical Disenchantment.

Minimal disenchantment (Christianity) to the rescue: We can still have our frappaccino's and computers, but we leave room for the mystical, the fantastical, the miraculous.

The scientists are telling us their version of the story, and they wrongly believe they are unbiased and "neutral."

Christians can hitch evolution to our wagon just as readily as they do to theirs.

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Christianity

Thesis Statement or Bust

2006-02-07T18:38:00.000-08:00

Revelation:

Comparison between Babylon and the New Jerusalem: Does the old city become the new? Or is the old replaced by the new? This has fundamental impact on how we think of Kingdom Now theology.

What does it mean to "Come out of her my people?"

One of the main problems with coming up with a good thesis statement is that you need to "engage with the text." There needs to be a conversation, and usually the best kinds are when people disagree.

The problem here is that generally everyone agrees that Revelation should change the way we think about economics, politics, etc, for today; they disagree on the finer points.

I'm quite happy not trying to understand the finer points, but this does not a good thesis statement make. Perhaps once I have submerged under the waters of academia I will one day emerge, able to speak simply about not so simple things.

Anyway, that's my update for the day. I only wish I didn't have to spend time eating, or sleeping. The coffee is good, and so is my guitar. Having a candle helps too. I also quite enjoy drawing diagrams of the problems... there's something esthetically pleasing about making nice lines on a clean sheet of white paper. It's simple.

Well, several hours later after having read all my notes, articles, and highlighted sections of the books I have returned to: "What does it mean to 'come out of her my people'?"

I'll try again tomorrow.

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Reading Theology at Preacher School

2006-02-04T18:51:00.000-08:00

Possibly reasons you've had to read the same sentence five times:

It's time to give up and play video games

The author is trying to show off

The author has proven that just because you have a PhD doesn't mean you know how to write properly

The author is oblivious to readers outside of his/her speciality

The author's editor is oblivious to readers outside of the author's speciality

Lack of sleep and/or proper nutrition

You are thinking about the opposite sex

The sentence is so long that by the time you get to the end you forgot how it started

It is about something so specific that it requires long strings of academic words and you are just too lazy to use a dictionary

Maybe Preacher School isn't for you

An actual example:

"Both the doctrinaire antisupernaturalism of extreme historical reductionists and the literary insensitivity of conservative historical positivists lack openness to the data of Scripture and lead to cavalier treatments of those scriptural data that do not fit the prescribed scheme."

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Regent
Funny

The Current Project - Suggestions welcome!

2006-01-31T22:47:00.000-08:00

In an effort to Blog more often I'll describe my current paper topic. I'll try and summarize by using as little of those accursed "big words" as possible.

Revelation can be read in lots of ways. Here's one: John is arguing against the Christians who take part in worshipping the Emperor, going to all the latest social gatherings, paying their taxes, and happily buying and selling in the marketplace. Except for the Emperor part, doesn't that sound like you and me?

In response the Christians might have argued:

"But the Emperor doesn't really believe he's a god. He just makes everyone "worship" him so that the empire can stay stable, and isn't that a good thing? I just say a few words, burn some incense, no big deal. Aren't we supposed to be keeping the peace if possible? Living quiet lives? And shouldn't I honour the government (a.k.a. God's servants) like Paul says?

"It's not really idolatry for me to buy my stuff in the market with his money. After all, doesn't Paul say it's okay to eat meat sacrificed to idols? I give to Caesar what is Caesar's, and my heart is for God. These idols of the Romans, they're powerless! Blind and mute. Everything is fine for me because I'm Spirit-filled."

Sounds good to me. But then, what's John's beef?

The Laodiceans thought everything was fine. After all, isn't money a sign of the Lord's blessing? Turns out they were really "wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked". Jesus is knocking at the door, can they hear him?

Those with the numbers on their foreheads and hands obviously didn't notice as they went about their daily business. After all, "We've got to buy our groceries somewhere. This just happens to be the cheapest place. I'm trying to be a good steward." (I'm not saying buying cheap groceries is necessarily bad, but obliviousness probably is.)

What then does John recommend?

Jesus tells the Smyrnans: "I know your afflications and your poverty - yet you are rich! I know about the slander... Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer." This doesn't sound anything like my Western Christianity! I'm certainly not afflicted, nor am I poor. Nobody slanders me. And if I suffer it'll probably be because of stupidity not Christianity.

The 144,000 get a better seal than the beast's.

And Babylon gets her due. "Come out of her, my people" (Rev 18:4)

My confusion (which I try and ignore on good days) wrestles with how we are to "come out her my people." Any ideas?

Should we all plant gardens, sell everything we own, live in community, and completely 'check-out' of our culture?

Maybe John just didn't think it through? How can I evangelize people if I'm a raving heretic that demands they sacrifice their entire lifestyles in order to become a Christian? Doesn't John know anything about seeker-sensitivity?

I don't know much about Nazy Germany. But I think the churches who wouldn't give in to the Nazies would have read Revelation very very differently than we do.

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Rollerblading

2006-01-30T15:31:00.000-08:00

Yes! I took a little tour of the UBC campus today. It was bright and sunny, around 10C. Still a bit chilly I realized. So, I made sure to take my little Vancouver scarf and my thin Vancouver gloves. Any detractors of my frivolity should keep in mind that I've only seen 2 days of sun in January thus far; the rest has been rain.

Nice weather is wasted on me. I am always reading, and I live in the basement. I can think of many people who would better appreciate rollerblading on January 30th.

Some interesting details from my Vancouver life:

I don't have a pillow to sleep on. Instead I brought along a towel and just folded it up. It works great!

I live the closest to Regent of practically everyone, and I'm late for class more than practically everyone.

I buy fruit every few days from a little store on my 3 1/2 minute walk to school.

I read around 130 pages a week for my classes and papers. I can hear Scotty saying "She can't take much 'o this captain!".

My household of four people has 23 Bibles altogether, only counting English translations. I dare not count how many C.S. Lewis books there are.

I drink a cup of fresh ground, pressed coffee everyday. It's wonderful!

I'm generally confused about what I think about God now. But people tell me this will pass. I can't turn off the "critical thinking" button. So, I generally doubt everything I hear, from just about everyone. It's actually kinda funny once I realize I'm doing it and I calm down a little bit.

Life is a constant battle to maintain a balance between studying, working, and being a nice person. It helps to think only one week at a time. It also really helps to remember that a B is a fine and dandy grade. =)

I go to church at the Vancouver South Vineyard. I miss Wpg though.

Ground zero

Some things to try this summer:

Ride the skytrain around the city!

Find somewhere to buy gelati!

Checkout the UBC's Museum of Anthropology

Find some enormous trees and sit underneath them

Swim in the ocean

The living room

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A Day at the Election Booth

2006-01-23T12:10:00.000-08:00

My roomy and I arrive at the polling station, A.K.A. the local rec centre, ready to do our civic duty.

I briefly considered the laugh-factor of voting for the Marijuana party, marveled at the courage of someone to run under the Marxist/Leninist party, and dismissed the Independent right off the bat.

After voting I went to stand with my roommate as he waited in line.

We both approached the official looking guy behind the table.

Marcus searches his wallet for his driver's license.

"Marcus," I said, "where's your driver's license?"

"I dunno."

"Well, then who are you anyway?"

Electoral Officer: "Excuse me sir. If you'd like to continue making jokes about impersonating someone I just want to let you know that we do have warrants for your arrest on the premises."

"Uh, thanks."

=============

After thinking about it a bit my roomy and I came up with some better comebacks:

1. "Well, I just want to let you know that I've got a warrant for YOUR arrest if you're impersonating an electoral officer!" Turn and high five Marcus.

2. "I bet you're voting Marxist/Leninist."

3. "I'd like to see you try." This was the least appealing.

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Funny

Watch out! I'm a "Feeler"!

2006-01-15T17:24:00.000-08:00

I recently told a friend that I don't feel very much. "My heart isn't talking", I said.

He looked at me and said "But Cam, it's all over your face and in the way you talk. It's obvious to me that you are extremely sensitive. Have you ever had a woman say to you 'Cam, you're looking sad today'?"

"Why yes actually, women have often told me how I appear to be feeling. I don't understand why they say that."

"Women are very good at picking up on emotions. You should probably start listening to them; they're probably right. I think you are a feeler. You just haven't been taught to recognize it."

"Huh?"

"What are you feeling right now?"

"I dunno. It's sorta hazy. I can't describe it."

"What colour is it?"

"Um, well I guess it's grey."

"Hmmm... Grey. Well, is it awake or asleep?"

"It's like a deer in the headlights."

"Well Cam, I think you're feeling shocked."

"Shocked? ... ... I'm feeling shocked! Woohoo!"

On my way home I was mindlessly staring out of the bus, not thinking of a whole lot, when I felt my heart feeling something. So I asked it, "What colour are you?"

It was pink. "What else are you?"

It was warm.

Hmmm... I think I'm feeling happy!

Later, my roommate left to do some errands and I promptly thought, "now I can go and do some reading", when I felt another tug from my heart. Turns out it was feeling the colour blue and was very still. Hmmm, I guess I'm sad that nobody is home.

This might be a silly revelation for some, but for me it's been quite profound.

I was in church this morning, worship was happening, yatta yatta yatta, then I felt something in my heart. It was red and hot... "is this God's love?" I asked.

Phenomenal cosmic powers? A whole new world? A new fantastic point of view?

Maybe a lot of people feel things, but don't have categories for them. To us the heart is a baffling voice. A vague weight in the middle of our chests.

Something that has always eluded me is really sharing in the joys, pains, and fears of others. I could sympathize, but not empathize.

I think feelings are a fantastic tool for oneness and community! More more more.

Nathan Rieger once told me that his tears were a daily part of the journey of shared brokenness in Winnipeg's North End. I totally believed him, but I couldn't see any way of ever getting to that point myself. Now I can see the way opening.

Isn't it funny that Seminary would have this affect on me? I chalk it up to Grace personally. I plan on coming out a feeling ball of mush! Huzzah! Any kind of head knowledge will just be a bonus. =)

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Heart

Holy Crap I've got a Four Year Plan

2006-01-05T05:46:00.000-08:00

Holy crap I've got a four year plan.

Year 1 (in progress) – First year at Regent College: OT & NT foundations, History, Exegesis, etc.
Year 2 – Second year at Regent College: Preaching and Worship, Counselling, Pastoral Care, etc.
Year 3 – Internship at the WCV church, finish Greek credits.
Year 4 – Final year at Regent College: An advanced course or two and a crazy seminar course.

Now, this is not a big deal for people who have always lived with a four year plan. I gave up mine when I finished university and have been just hanging out since then… so a four year plan is a big deal for me.

But I figured why stop at four years:

Age 31 (2010) – Have second midlife crisis, grow long hair again, move into the WCV, mop floors.

Age 34 – Meet and marry super hot rockstar whose single “My husband is the sexiest man alive and I couldn’t be happier” will top the UK charts – use royalties to pay off student loans.

Age 39 – Publish my first novel – a gripping epic about the battle between hope and despair in a fallen yet redeemed world. It will go through seven printings in the first year, become a major motion picture in the second, and inspire revolution in several small European countries by the third.

Age 45 (2024) – Have third midlife crisis, wish I could grow long hair again, obtain PhD.

Age 50 – End of the end times begin and all my years spent reading post-apocalyptic Sci-Fi novels finally pays off! (Always stay away from the mutants) Grow vegetables on the roof of the church, play guitar, take up painting and astronomy.

Plans are good.

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Regent
Funny

Fernie

2005-12-31T10:34:00.000-08:00

Great snow and no trips to the hospital = success!

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Things Change

2005-12-24T10:48:00.000-08:00

When I'm driving through the prairies at 4AM under a beautiful clear night sky and no other cars are on the road, I turn up the music a little louder, and I smile.

I've made the trip many times before - all night from Winnipeg to the Rockies.

Beautiful friends and memories. My life continues to change, but making this trip once a year is a blessed event. It seems like a good time to take stock of my life, remember what has been, and celebrate those memories.

On top of a mountain is a beautiful place to be alone and think about God. Loneliness and wholeness can come together in these moments.

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One more exam

2005-12-15T17:25:00.000-08:00

One more and I get to come home for almost a month. I have high hopes. I am reminded of a quote from Star Trek IV.
A hugely powerful alien object is headed straight for earth, having catastrophic effects on everything that encounters it. One ship is able to send a distress call:

"It has been three hours since our contact with the alien probe and all attempts at regaining power have failed. All non-essential crew have been given hiber-sedatives to slow down consumption of life support reserves. Our chief engineer is attempting to deploy a makeshift solar sail with which to focus and absorb radiation from a nearby sun we are orbiting. We have high hopes that this will, if successful, generate power to keep us alive indefinitely."

The probe is perhaps Regent, WCV is the nearby sun, and the solar sail is ... my friends! Ahwell, bring on the radiation!

Signing out from Vancouver.

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